Beautiful Surrender

I woke up this particular morning not feeling so well and knew in my spirit God was slowing me down so He could do a deep work in my heart. It was as if my spirit was preparing to let something die and I kept hearing over and over again “Kenzie, I do my best work with dead things.”

A few days later I left for a roadtrip to an island in Norway, because during this time I was on an outreach with a missions organization. On the way to our destination while lying in the back of the van, I felt a strong urge to worship. I asked the girls in the front seat to play the song “blessed be your name” and began to sing with every part of my heart these words…

“Though there's pain in the offering blessed be Your name. You give and take away, but my heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name.”

Upon arriving to our destination,

I walked into my bedroom and the door was wide open facing the island, curtains blowing in the wind, and the most beautiful view I’ve ever seen. Under my breath I said “wow, Jesus is going to heal me here.” Not realizing hours later, the very thing God had been speaking to me about letting go of, He was about to slam shut that door in the most tender way.

In my situation, this had to do with the hope of a relationship. After months of getting my hopes up and expecting things to go a certain way, in one moment, everything changed. But what I didn’t expect is the peace that would come from that release. 

After sitting out on the island that night closing the chapter on what could have been, I ran inside and hopped in bed with my best friend. I couldn’t even get the words out… she kept saying “what’s wrong? what’s wrong?” — all I could do was laugh! The tangible presence of God consumed me and I felt so safe within the arms of His love and protection. There was a deep sense of unexplainable joy. 

That night I laid awake and the kindness of the Lord drew me to repentance for allowing my heart to make an idol out of something, even something good, and He met me right in the middle of my brokenness and embraced me in His love. I knew in that moment, with all of my broken expectations and hurt, I would be okay… was it easy to let go? No. But I’ve been through this enough times to know God is faithful and worthy to be trusted when He shuts a door. Whether that be a dream, potential relationship, or job… He can be trusted. Does it take time for our hearts to heal? Absolutely… but He is present with us every step of the way.

I had a lot of plans and expectations for how I thought my life was going to be, but it seemed every time I’d make a plan, it would fall apart right in front of me. 

The beauty of being broken is we get to experience at a deeper level the only thing that will ever satisfy us. Jesus. 

If our hope is in the outcome, we will always be disappointed. But if our hope is in Him, we will be able to walk through anything that comes our way anchored and rooted in His love. 

Our hope is in the one who works all things together for good.

Our approach and perspective is key in sustaining a healthy heart posture. We often end up being one extreme or the other. Where we put so much expectation in our dreams and desires, expecting God to fulfill them, or we are hesitant and refuse to get our hopes up at all for fear of being let down. 

Whether it’s within friendships, relationships, or our moving towards desires on our heart, there will never be a guarantee, but that’s part of life. It requires you to open your heart and have hope, knowing it very well could not work out. 

To love is to risk, and to risk is to be vulnerable, but when you are holding onto the one who holds your heart in his hands, you can rest assure that He is the one protecting your heart and you don’t have to fear getting your hopes up.

When expectations aren’t met, when plans don’t go the way we think, it’s always because God is writing a beautiful storyline out of our lives. We can take our hands off, trusting that He is working every detail for our good.

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” | Psalm 84:11

Listen to Blessed Be Your Name here!