Mourning Into Dancing
I was on my way home Friday night when I knew I was in the very moment I had been waiting for. I had a shift in my heart and freedom met me in the most unexpected time and way. For the past month, I’ve questioned myself so much. I’ve doubted. I’ve struggled. I’ve been a mess. It’s as if I have been walking with weights tied to my ankles, tape to my mouth, and chains wrapped around my arms.
You may see the girl who’s making steps towards her dreams surrounded by the best community, doing campus ministry, and all of the ways God is moving here in my life and this city but there’s more to the story. All of these things are realities, but it doesn’t mean they come easy. It’s just that I refuse to stop walking. Even when it feels like I’m being attacked in every way possible, giving up is not an option.
I’d rather walk with a limp than not walk at all. I’d rather make steps than stay stagnant. And I’d rather be attacked and know it’s serving a greater purpose than remain comfortable.
There were so many moments this past month I felt so heavy. I was in this funk I just couldn’t seem to shake off. No amount of striving could get me out of it. And trust me, I tried to strive a million times to break out of it on my own. But you know what did break me out of it?
Praise. Friday night I gathered with some friends to hang out and “write music” which really just turned into a crazy time of laughter, writing crazy songs, and painfully awkward dance moves. Nothing “super spiritual” about it. But sometimes our breakthroughs are hidden in mundane moments where Jesus is wanting to bring us back to our child-likeness. And that’s exactly what I needed that night.
I got in my car and started to sing “You’ve turned my mourning into dancing, put off my rags and clothed me with gladness. I will sing and not be silent.” I felt freedom in my entire body and this lightness came over me and take away all of the heaviness I had been walking in. And what I learned through this is sometimes you gotta get a little wild. Sometimes you gotta dance your way out of the funk. And if anyone would have seen me in my car that night, they probably would question my sanity. And I wanted to share this story with you because I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been in a “funk” lately. And I just want you to know you’re not alone, and you won’t be in this funk forever. Jesus wants to set you free. I don’t know what it’s going to look like for you, but Jesus promises us that in His presence there is fullness of JOY. So exchange your striving for his presence and have yourself a wild dance party.
Listen to the song I talk about here!