Why I'm choosing to live broken

Growing up my friends used to call me the “tin can man” because I rarely expressed my emotions. I remember thinking that that's just who I was. There are the emotional people, and then the emotionless people and I assumed I was in the latter category.

I’ve always felt the Lord pursuing my heart, but specifically, as a young teenager, I can remember falling completely in love with Him. The more I fell in love with Jesus, the more broken I began to become over people. I was drawn to those who were broken and would fill my circle with the people who were often labeled as hopeless and a lost cause. I would fill up pages in my notebook of prayers for my friends and stay up late hours of the night crying out to God because I was so broken over so many people in my life. 

Please hear me out, I don’t say this to boast in myself... because the truth is, I couldn’t say the same is true in my life any longer.

Throughout the years, I’ve noticed a decline in my brokenness and prayer life and recently this has been heavy on my heart.

It’s been the question that I have been wrestling with and an area of my life I have not been proud of lately.  

I’ve been guilty more than I care to admit to text out an “I’m praying for you” and not even give it a second thought at times.

After digging deep to figure out the root of this... here are two things the Lord spoke to me about that keeps us from living from a place of brokenness.

1. Not living fully in the moment.
2. Being too focused on self.

There could be so many factors to this, but one of the biggest hindrances I believe is being too wrapped up in our own lives which keeps us from living fully in the moment. I’m a huge believer in personal development and taking time for yourself, but I never want to get so caught up in that to the point that I stop being a human who feels things deeply. Who doesn’t notice the hurting surrounding me.

Too often we run from brokenness when God has called us to live face to face with brokenness.

We’re way too quick to use personality tests to label and define us instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to do a work in us. Despite what our personality test says, what breaks the heart of our Father should break our hearts as well. This won’t come naturally. It’s a lifestyle we have to pursue. Falling more and more in love with Jesus every day and asking Him to give us His heart.

Some of the sweetest and most fulfilling times of my life were the seasons of brokenness.

When we are broken, we are closest to the heart of God.

So that is why I am choosing to live broken. 

Jesus, break my heart for what breaks yours. Increase my compacity to love and open my eyes to see the people who are hurting all around me today. Remove any distractions in my life that are keeping me from stepping into brokenness with others. I choose to live broken, because I know it's only in brokenness I will be fulfilled in you. Thank you for who you are and revealing more of your heart to me. 

"If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing.” | 1 Corinthians 13:2


Kenzie KoberComment